Lockdown has affected us all. I’ve actually enjoyed not having to commute to work everyday. But I never thought being in lockdown would affect my mind and body like it has. In this update I share what I’m currently going through and how I’m trying to overcome a bit of a slump.
It's 5am as I’m writing this. I've been awake since 4am. Shattered, but wide awake and unable to get back to sleep. That has been the story of my life these past few weeks. Well, past year in truth, but the last few weeks have felt particularly hard. I'm waking up with little energy and feeling tired throughout the day. That's unlike me. I'm usually an early riser and morning is when I'm most productive.
Truthfully, I've just not been myself these past few weeks. I try to stay away from feeling motivated and prefer to set a good routine to build discipline instead. But the second lockdown really took it all from me.
I was in a great routine with exercise and diet, and nearly halfway through the 21-week programme. Lockdown came, gyms closed. The one outlet I have to de-stress was no longer available. So, I decided to do home workouts and pick up jogging in the park. The latter I really began to enjoy despite a dislike for anything cardio. I was building a new routine and managing to run around 4-5k daily. Two weeks ago my knee buckled, became swollen, and that was the end of the outdoor runs.
Meanwhile, my Instagram got hacked. I noticed strange behaviour. Random DMs from people I didn't know. I was following people and businesses I didn't know or actually opted to follow myself. So, I changed my password as you do. But the dodgy activity continued. Only in the last day or two has it become normal again after trying a few things to fix the issue.
Anyway, with the knee out, Instagram playing up, I decided to have a break. A break from training, dieting, and social media. I thought 1) I deserved it, and 2) my shoulder and knee pain were signs from my body to take a break. So, that's exactly what I've done for the past two weeks.
AND I FEEL LIKE CRAP!
- I've no doubt put weight on. Water weight for sure, but fat as well. My skin feels puffy, and I feel uncomfortable constantly.
- The crap I've eaten that I thought were treats just didn't ‘hit the spot’. And after eating I'd be disappointed.
- I've been the least productive since the nation went into lockdown in March. And this really has bugged me. I like to get things done.
- I've missed the gym as my outlet, the place I go to ‘meditate’.
Don't get me wrong, it hasn't all been bad:
- Not being on social media as much has made me realise just how much we DON’T need it in our lives. The endless scrolling of your feed or timeline is such a waste of time when you could be doing something more productive.
- I've started watching Crown with Nav. I don't watch TV very often, but I'm really enjoying this series as well as the time I get with Nav watching it together.
You'd think after reading the above that I'd be eager to get back into the gym as soon as they're open next week. I'm not. I seem to have lost the spark. And that's what’s most worrying.
That's why I'm writing this. I didn't think lockdown had affected me. I thought I was fine, making the most of the situation. But lockdown 2.0 has hit me. I try to see the silver lining in everything. This doesn't come naturally to me by the way but it's something I practice. I'm conscious that not everyone does this though, and there are many of us who lean towards the ‘glass half empty’ mindset. And so, it made me wonder, ‘how must those without the same positivity finding it all?’. I thought I'd share what I'll be doing about it myself. It might help you if you're feeling the same way.
- Productivity - I'm going to revisit some of my goals. Rediscover and re-evaluate what it is I've planned to do, over what period of time, and whether it's still important or something I desire. This will hopefully let me regain focus on tasks that are important to me.
- Physically & Mentally - The 21-week programme is definitely something I'll continue, and I have no doubt that getting back into a routine will get me back in the right mindset. It's black and white in that I know I need to get back into the routine of gym and diet and the physical aspect will take care of itself.
The mind is a tricky thing to navigate. We can feel on a high one second, and low the very next. But the mental impact of this latest lockdown isn't something I was ready for, or indeed, know how to overcome.
I'm someone who definitely doesn't talk about how I'm feeling. And it's a shame. But writing this itself helps, regardless of whether anyone reads it or not. Now more than ever is the time to connect with others and open up about how you're feeling. Seek help if you need to. Feel free to get in touch with me if you think it’d help. Just don't go it alone.